he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
