She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
