Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
