And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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