i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize