well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It was confusing and full of hummus
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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