The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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