never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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