Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
