i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
