I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
