He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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