she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
