you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
