So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
