Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
