I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
