Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
