there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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