Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
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you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
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I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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