Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
