I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
