All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
