If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
