I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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