I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
