Farmville is her only friend.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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