Too much gin, very little bucket
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
