i barfeds in our rink
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
