She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
