Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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