I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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