She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
accomplished twins. life is a go
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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