I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
