New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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