Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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