Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize