Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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