Banned from zoo.
Again?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
