Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
