If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
