i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
