and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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