Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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