All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
