I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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