gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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