well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
