Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
