spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
