I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's just like the Real World with babies
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
