So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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