You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
