i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
