Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
