problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
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did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
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I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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