I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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