Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
