i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
