Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
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since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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