like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
