Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
