Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You were trust falling into bushes
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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