When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
