So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
