I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
