Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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