im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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