Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
