so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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