I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
