I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
