I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
whose parrot is this?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
