It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
