i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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