take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
