We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have fence marks all over my body
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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