She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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