I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
