ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
