btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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