she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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