I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
