She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
